If I were asked on January 1, 1992 where I would be on December 31 of the same year, my answer would be very different than now. I began the year with an engagement to Mamie Khin; I ended the year single and unwed. I began the year headed into a career in the arts; I end the year employing my technical skills with Andersen Consulting. I began the year poised to move to the Berkshires of Massachusetts; I end the year a resident of Washington, D.C.
Clearly, there has been much change in my life. It is fair (and accurate) to say that I have experienced more change this year than any other year in my life. I have a growing awareness and respect for the types of difficult decisions that are sometimes made in life. Somehow, most of my "impact" decisions were compressed into the space of a few months. As I reflect upon the decisions that I did make, I realize that there are few easy answers, if any, to some decisions. Each decision brought me new freedoms as well as new tensions, so I will remember 1992 with a complex mixture of feelings.
The most difficult decision I made all year was to end my relationship with Mamie. I miss her and the aspects of our relationship that were unique and dear to me, but I also know that I am in the midst of much larger life changes. Now that I look back, it seems amazing that Mamie and I were able to sustain a long-distance relationship for three years (Mamie lives in Canada). The tensions and struggles associated with distance can be overwhelming. I understand how difficult it is to maintain a healthy relationship over distance, so I do not blame Mamie or myself. With distance, a single issue is easily transformed into a dozen other difficulties. Even with caring, decent people involved, the distance can simply prove too much an obstacle to a healthy relationship.
That was February. At the same time, the job I was to begin with the Empire Brass Quintet fell through. I was officially unemployed at that point! It is a humbling feeling which I recommend to nobody. I felt bad for a few days, but fortunately, it did not take me long to reverse the situation. I launched into the full-time effort of exploring careers, interviewing, making phone calls, and sending resumes. I initially considered a career in the arts administration. In fact, I was offered an internship with the Wolf Trap Opera Company, but after talking to dozens of arts administrators, I saw that I was not ready yet for a career in the arts. I simply was not yet prepared for the necessary lifestyle changes, especially with college debts looming. At the same time, I did not wish to pursue a career as an engineer. And so it happened that I learned about Andersen Consulting, an international consulting firm under the auspices of Arthur Andersen & Co. I was hired in mid-April and I began in mid-July. With Andersen Consulting, I am able to apply my technical skills in a challenging and genuinely interesting environment (but without being on an engineering career path). What's more, the average age of Andersen employees is roughly 24 or 25 years old, so I feel as if I am in school again, except that I am being paid. In making the decision to work with Andersen, I have drawn upon the same balances that have sustained me in the past. Basically, I have a french horn in one hand and a briefcase in the other, and each balances the other quite well. In fact, each enhances the other.
Before I began my position with Andersen Consulting, I traveled to Cullowhee, NC to visit my grandparents, and then I flew to Miami, Florida to visit my aunt and uncle. I even went on the road with the Cadets of Bergen County Drum & Bugle Corps (formerly the Garfield Cadets Drum & Bugle Corps) for a week to help in their important work. That was a particular thrill for me as it reminded me how much I love the activity. Soon after beginning my work with Andersen Consulting, I had the good fortune and the privilege of helping Andersen Consulting with their recruiting efforts at Virginia Tech, my alma mater. It felt very satisfying to return to Virginia Tech in such a capacity.
Ever since mid-July, I have been in the midst of getting settled into the working world. I now live in Takoma Park-Washington D.C. in a 1925 Bungalow. I feel extremely fortunate to have such a wonderful home and, more importantly, exceptional housemates. Thomas and Thomasa were complete strangers when I moved in, but they have made me feel welcome. I am now a vegetarian as well, and I feel very good about this personal decision. Rest assured, I am not projecting this value upon my family and friends, but I am quite content with this lifestyle change.
I was playing in two orchestras, but I have resigned from one in an effort to focus my finite time and energy. Actually, it is fair to say that I have spent this fall attempting to focus myself in meaningful ways -- in ways that have both short-term and long-term implications. I have taken a considerable amount of time to myself to think about where I have been, and in the process of reevaluating my past, I have a clearer concept of where I am going. Investing my time in this manner has been an invaluable tool for centering myself. It is wonderful to shed myself of activity and to slow down. I am determined to focus upon the life objectives that I value the most, and my activities this fall have helped me in this regard. I feel urgency and I feel full of "realistic optimism." I feel exhilaration and I feel a sense of mission. I do occasionally feel slight terror, but I take a deep breath and try to maintain my sense of humor. But in the end, I realize that I do not want to fail at the things that I ultimately value. I am currently taking a four-month group class at my church, St. Mark's Episcopal Church in Washington, D.C., and we are dealing with broad life issues, so these ideas are predominant for me.
My growing optimism is partly fueled by the political changes in the United States. I support the leaders that have been elected for the coming years. I believe that Bill Clinton and Al Gore bring the empathy and intelligence needed to address the serious problems that face our country and our world. There is a sober recognition of the challenges which we must confront, and because there is finally that recognition, healing can begin. I do not feel effusive by saying this is the dawn of a new era. I believe this leadership can and will effect change.
And so, the end of a very busy year. I have the sense that my momentum from 1992 will push into 1993. I anticipate, welcome, and (to a degree) seek the inevitable bumps and bruises that I will experience in 1993. In fact, I will probably seek these things more than not; I believe in process more than I do destination. Along the way, I will be looking for Peace where I may find it, and I hope that you find it, as well. Take notes for me as I will for you, and we'll compare them throughout 1993.
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